Ed Ahrens, Jr., Esq. writes monthly thought provoking Editorials on mediation. These views are Ed's and do not necessarily reflect those of Florida Mediation Group.

I know, I know. There are moments when, if I weren't so damned neutral, I'd blow my top, too. Negotiations, in or outside of mediation, can be frustrating and full of tension. As an attorney, claimant or adjuster, you ask: Am I demanding enough or too much? Am I offering too little, too much? What is enough? What is too little? And why are they being such horses' axxxs?!

Okay, calm down. Believe it or not, there is life after negotiation. Once concluded, you can return to your office and open another file. And, Mr. or Ms. Claimant, you will never know for sure whether that figure you accepted was the correct one. You can be sure, however, that whatever it was was better than the alternative.

Emotions can run high during a mediation, and a little (the operative word) emotion can be a good thing, so long as it is calculated to achieve a result and subject to self control. When uncontrolled emotions clash with uncontrolled emotions, trouble's afoot and impasse looms large.

I have seen temper tantrums even in a caucus. That's when I quickly convert the caucus room to a day care center and communicate with the parties involved according to their age levels. Believe me, the mediator is not impressed or influenced by such outbursts. He or she may even be suspicious as to whether the display is simply for the mediator's benefit, whatever that may be perceived to be. Forget it. It rarely accomplishes anything, and may indicate either or both a lack of confidence in one's case or an imagined substitute for substantive evidence.

So, stay cool, and, as the famous sign above the long gone Mayflower Restaurant downtown once urged: "As you ramble on through life, brother, whatever be your goal, keep your eye upon the doughnut and not upon the hole."

And, speaking of holes, when you are standing in one, for heaven's sake stop digging — and, ahem, don't blow your top.

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